


넌 나를 지우지 마 (Don't Ever Erase Me)

by baegilmong



Series: Fictober 2018 [4]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, ChaBin, Fictober 2018, Hakyeon I'm sorry for doing this to you, Lots of Angst, Lowkey inspired by Error MV, M/M, Nbin, Please don't hate me after this, Reincarnation, Stream Reincarnation by VIXX
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 05:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16191380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baegilmong/pseuds/baegilmong
Summary: Hakyeon is gone, and finally Hongbin is able to tell him all the words he had wanted to say for so long.





	넌 나를 지우지 마 (Don't Ever Erase Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Suicide

_Hey there, it's been a while. I'm sorry for taking so long but, you know, it's hard to come to terms with reality when it hits you with such a blow. I keep blaming myself, I keep wishing I had been there, I keep thinking that everything would be different if I had just ran to you instead of telling you to wait til I finished my shift. I was careless, and stupid, and didn't realize the seriousness of it until it was too late. I shouldn't have let you go, I shouldn't... goddammit, Hakyeon, I should have saved you. I should have held you in my arms and told you everything was going to be fine, I should have... I should have cared for you instead of being a thoughtless selfish workaholic bastard, I should have proved that I loved you in so many ways, more than words._  
 _I miss you, Hakyeon, I really do. And I hope that, wherever you are, you can forgive me._  
  
Hongbin deposited a huge bouquet of flowers on the place where he had knelt down just a few moments before, and wiped a tear that started to glisten on the corner of his eye. The past few months had been a nightmare and it was just then that he was starting to face reality. Everything felt empty since Hakyeon had been gone: not only the apartment they shared, but also every little action he performed. Getting out of bed, making breakfast, going to work without receiving that 'good morning kiss'. No texts during break hours at work, no one to call when he eventually got off.  
  
Everything was dull and gray, it felt like he had got stuck in time. But the world was still turning, and everyone was still moving.  
  
Except from him.  
  
He still could remember the day the world stopped. He had gotten a very cryptic text from Hakyeon, asking him to run home as fast as he could. Truth be told, it had been a few weeks since Hakyeon had said he wasn't feeling well, but he had refused to seek a doctor, no matter how much Hongbin advised it. Still, Hongbin had decided not to push him too much and let his partner take his own decisions. What Hongbin didn't know, though, was that if doctors had found out about Hakyeon's condition, they would have locked him away forever as he was a threat to the regime's happiness propaganda, so he sacrificed his own health in order to stay with Hongbin until the end.  
  
Days went by and there was no sign of overall improvement. Sure, Hakyeon had better and worse days, but despite his best efforts to hide the truth, Hongbin could see through his eyes and realize it wasn't something to be taken lightly. Hakyeon, on the other hand, encouraged him to go on with his life, to not miss work, ensuring him he would be fine at home on his own and that eventually things would get better. Hongbin knew this optimism was just a façade, but Hakyeon was too insistent so he had no option but to leave every morning –not before getting his kiss–.   
  
When he got home that day after work, everything was unusually silent. No cheerful "Hi, honey, how was work today", no homeshopping on the TV. No one sitting on the couch.   
  
Just a strong smell of candles, slightly breaking the cold feeling.   
  
And then he broke down.   
  
He remembered yelling Hakyeon's name, shaking him, pleading for him to wake up. He remembered kicking the pill bottle on the floor, screaming, yelling, shouting that it was all his fault, sobbing loudly and kissing Hakyeon's inert face, repeatedly saying he loved him through his agitated breath.   
  
It was not like he hadn't tried to bring him back. After a whole life dedicated to the IT industry, Hongbin knew very well the possibilities and limitations of cyber engineering, yet what he was trying to do was ten million times more ambitious than everything he had done before. However, despite his best efforts, Hakyeon still wouldn't open his eyes.   
  
Until he did.   
  
And he was taken away.   
  
Hongbin knew that bringing someone back to life was against the regulations of the Cyborg Law, that attempting to do so would get his engineer license revoked and a skyrocketing fine. But none of this mattered to him, he was willing to risk it all if he could just feel Hakyeon's warmth one more time, if he could just, somehow, know that Hakyeon forgived him, that he would still love him forever.   
  
So there he was, State Cemetery, kneeling down before the spot where the government agents had taken his partner. Wishing that someone, someday, would let him know that everything would be fine. That Hakyeon would never leave as long as he could remember him. That he would still care for him wherever he went.   
  
 _I brought you honeysuckles. I know they were your birth flower, but did you know they represent fate? I just found out yesterday, and I can't think of any other flower that would suit you better. It was fate that we met. It was fate that we loved. And I hope fate can somehow bring us together again. And I hope you're doing well, and that you're still watching me from up there. It's been hard without your morning kisses, you know. I miss them. I miss you. I really do._  
  
A bird chirped by Hongbin's side.   
  
–You would miss him too if you had known him, believe me.  
  
The bird chirped again and gave a little jump hanging onto Hongbin's hands, dropping something on its way.   
  
–Hey, buddy, what's this?   
  
A little piece of paper, bent in two. Hongbin opened it nervously, freezing on the spot when he read what was inside.   
  
It was Hakyeon's handwriting.   
  
 _Please don't ever forget me._  
  
Hongbin looked at the skies, the grave, and finally the little bird who had delivered the news and, for the first time in months, he smiled, stroking the birds' feathers.   
  
–I will never forget you.


End file.
